I'm currently preparing for GRE and English is my second language.
Could someone help me check my essay? thank you very much!

Scandals are useful because they focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could.

Here’s my essay:
Some governments argue that scandals are bad for the nation’s stability. However, by deliberately disregarding scandals, governments and citizens could blithely believe in the apparently innocuous system whereby venal and inhumane incidents are operating behind the scenes. On the other hand, by uncovering insidious things happening around us, citizens will acknowledge the necessity and urgency to resolve these issues.
China, for instance, is one of the countries which implements heavy censorship with the goal to eliminate negative news and opinions of any form. The government states that negativity is unhealthy, and people should promote positive thoughts instead. Apparently, positive energy has lots of benefits. It engenders better efficiency at work, longevity, and more importantly, a sense of happiness. Nevertheless, bad news is as necessary as good ones. Negative energy a lot of times presages potential wrongdoings and restiveness hidden among a society. By disregarding unjustified transgressions and suppressing the dissemination of information, the regime helps prompt citizens’ dissatisfaction towards each other or the government secretly. The regime gives rise to scandals and negativities among citizens due to the censorship it employed, it just does not condone its citizens expressing those negative feelings publicly.
However, the culmination of negative feelings is more detrimental than expressed dissents. For example, if a regular laborer gets mugged and beaten down at night on his way back home after a day of onerous work, and it turns out the mugger is the son of the chief of police, due to the exhaustiveness and the efficacy of censorship encompassing all forms of media, there will be no scandals regarding this hideous incident. Consequently, because of the lack of attention and pressure from the outside world, the criminal would probably get away with his father’s connections. Furthermore, knowing he has nearly zero chance to win even after spending lots of money and energy preparing for the case, the victim would very likely drop it with little compensation. The victim cannot talk to journalists, cannot talk to lawyers, and cannot post his miserable story on his social account, but the negativity and the anger that reside within him do not disappear. He could become a venal and dishonest worker for the rest of his life, he could go and abuse his children, or maybe he cannot repress his impulse for vengeance and therefore conceives and implements a plot to murder the initial attacker. As a result, the seemingly innocuous promotion of positive thoughts actually erodes the very fundamental for the stability of a society, that is, citizens’ confidence in a government. No country is flawless. Harmonious voices of approbation and a total lack of dissents on all sorts of media belie a truly free society whereby different interpretations on the same issue are often, and disagreements among stations are common.
That being said, scandals regarding trivial issues are not worthwhile. For instance, a famous star might divorce his wife because he is in love with another woman, and people are very interested in this gossip. It is hard to decisively conclude whose fault it is. Maybe the star’s former wife was stubborn and pugnacious, and at the same time the woman he met was reasonable and proper, or maybe it is the star’s fault because he like another one more. This scandal, however, does nothing but diverts citizens’ attention from more important things, such as politics, covid-19, and climate change.
In conclusion, I truly believe in the value and usefulness of scandals’ impact on society as long as the content of scandals remains pertinent to critical events happening around the nation and the world.
bu doğru görünüyor mu?

I'm currently preparing for GRE and English is my second language.

Could someone help me check my essay?

Scandals are useful because they focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could.

Here’s my essay:

Some governments argue that scandals are bad for the nation’s stability.

However, by deliberately disregarding scandals, governments and citizens could blithely believe in the apparently innocuous system whereby venal and inhumane incidents are operating behind the scenes.

On the other hand, by uncovering insidious things happening around us, citizens will acknowledge the necessity and urgency to resolve these issues.

The government states that negativity is unhealthy, and people should promote positive thoughts instead.

Apparently, positive energy has lots of benefits.

It engenders better efficiency at work, longevity, and more importantly, a sense of happiness.

Nevertheless, bad news is as necessary as good ones.

Negative energy a lot of times presages potential wrongdoings and restiveness hidden among a society.

By disregarding unjustified transgressions and suppressing the dissemination of information, the regime helps prompt citizens’ dissatisfaction towards each other or the government secretly.

The regime gives rise to scandals and negativities among citizens due to the censorship it employed, it just does not condone its citizens expressing those negative feelings publicly.

However, the culmination of negative feelings is more detrimental than expressed dissents.

For example, if a regular laborer gets mugged and beaten down at night on his way back home after a day of onerous work, and it turns out the mugger is the son of the chief of police, due to the exhaustiveness and the efficacy of censorship encompassing all forms of media, there will be no scandals regarding this hideous incident.

Consequently, because of the lack of attention and pressure from the outside world, the criminal would probably get away with his father’s connections.

Furthermore, knowing he has nearly zero chance to win even after spending lots of money and energy preparing for the case, the victim would very likely drop it with little compensation.

The victim cannot talk to journalists, cannot talk to lawyers, and cannot post his miserable story on his social account, but the negativity and the anger that reside within him do not disappear.

He could become a venal and dishonest worker for the rest of his life, he could go and abuse his children, or maybe he cannot repress his impulse for vengeance and therefore conceives and implements a plot to murder the initial attacker.

As a result, the seemingly innocuous promotion of positive thoughts actually erodes the very fundamental for the stability of a society, that is, citizens’ confidence in a government.

No country is flawless.

Harmonious voices of approbation and a total lack of dissents on all sorts of media belie a truly free society whereby different interpretations on the same issue are often, and disagreements among stations are common.

That being said, scandals regarding trivial issues are not worthwhile.

For instance, a famous star might divorce his wife because he is in love with another woman, and people are very interested in this gossip.

It is hard to decisively conclude whose fault it is.

Maybe the star’s former wife was stubborn and pugnacious, and at the same time the woman he met was reasonable and proper, or maybe it is the star’s fault because he like another one more.

This scandal, however, does nothing but diverts citizens’ attention from more important things, such as politics, covid-19, and climate change.

In conclusion, I truly believe in the value and usefulness of scandals’ impact on society as long as the content of scandals remains pertinent to critical events happening around the nation and the world.

I'm currently preparing for GRE and English is my second language.

Could someone help me check my essay?

thank you very much!

Scandals are useful because they focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could.

Here’s my essay:

Some governments argue that scandals are bad for the nation’s stability.

However, by deliberately disregarding scandals, governments and citizens could blithely believe in the apparently innocuous system whereby venal and inhumane incidents are operating behind the scenes.

China, for instance, is one of the countries which implements heavy censorship with the goal to eliminate negative news and opinions of any form.

The government states that negativity is unhealthy, and people should promote positive thoughts instead.

Apparently, positive energy has lots of benefits.

It engenders better efficiency at work, longevity, and more importantly, a sense of happiness.

By disregarding unjustified transgressions and suppressing the dissemination of information, the regime helps prompt citizens’ dissatisfaction towards each other or the government secretly.

However, the culmination of negative feelings is more detrimental than expressed dissents.

No country is flawless.

Harmonious voices of approbation and a total lack of dissents on all sorts of media belie a truly free society whereby different interpretations on the same issue are often, and disagreements among stations are common.

That being said, scandals regarding trivial issues are not worthwhile.

It is hard to decisively conclude whose fault it is.