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B_e_e
10 Ara 2020

  • Almanca
  • İngilizce (Birleşik Krallık)
  • İngilizce (ABD)
  • Fransızca (Fransa)
Japonca hakkında soru

I have to write a haiku about advent/hope for school (in Austria we have "religious education" as a subject)
We're not actually supposed to write it in Japanese of course, but since it's originally a Japanese type of poem I thought I'd try ^^'

So... does this make sense?

光
ろうそくが
闇夜を照らす
心でも

... probably not haha 😂

I mean my teacher wouldn't be able to tell if it's right or not anyway, but I still want to know... 😂

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jete_et_jete
11 Ara 2020

  • Japonca

I'm not professional about Haiku so I just would like to say nothing is wrong with your Haiku about the format and I (and perhaps most Japanese) can understand what you are saying. Let me leave some tips.

-You don't need 「光」(or is this a theme or a title of this Haiku?)
-Usually, Haiku requires to use "the word describing season" (that is called Kigo). If your class doesn't require to do so, I think your Haiku is fine. But I suppose you can try.

If you can find someone who enjoys creating Haiku, he/she will point out the choice or order of word to make it more Haiku. I am sorry I'm not able to do so for you.

Highly-rated answerer
Tora30
11 Ara 2020

  • Japonca
  • İngilizce (ABD)

Nice try, but as a rule Haiku needs a 季語(きごa season word to show in which season you are writing about) and unfortunately yours seems to have no 季語.

So, one of the suggestions is, if you change 闇夜 to 聖夜(せいや: Christmas night and 季語 for winter), then I think it becomes a quite nice Haiku, even though it may differ from the original meaning.

Also, you can say キャンドル instead of ろうそくto make it more Modern Haiku. (The term キャンドル is much more used than ろうそく for Western customs here in Japan)

Highly-rated answerer
B_e_e
11 Ara 2020

  • Almanca
Ah I see thank you for your answers and suggestions ^^
I think i've heard of 季語 before 🤔 I will try to consider it if I ever write a haiku again 😁
Although I'm not into poetry haiku's are actually quite interesting 🙂
And thank you for explaining how キャンドル and ろうそく are used I was actually quite confused about which one is more common 😅
ありがとうございます(_ _)
B_e_e
11 Ara 2020

  • Almanca
@jete_et_jete
Ah and 光 is supposed to be the title 😅
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Tora30
11 Ara 2020

  • Japonca
  • İngilizce (ABD)
welcome
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Highly-rated answerer
jete_et_jete
11 Ara 2020

  • Japonca

@NonsenseBee
I'm glad if I could help...

Well, this is just for your information, if you ever try to write Haiku again.
Haiku usually doesn't need any title. A title is what you would like to convey to readers and that should be just only in Haiku lines.
In fact you mentioned ろうそく（or キャンドル）and 照らす. These terms implies 光 to readers enough.

Highly-rated answerer
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I have to write a haiku about advent/hope for school (in Austria we have "religious education" as a subject) We're not actually supposed to write it in Japanese of course, but since it's originally a Japanese type of poem I thought I'd try ^^' So... does this make sense? 光 ろうそくが 闇夜を照らす 心でも ... probably not haha 😂 I mean my teacher wouldn't be able to tell if it's right or not anyway, but I still want to know... 😂
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