Questions about example sentences with, and the definition and usage of "Memorandum"

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Q: In this memorandum, the writer argues that Movies Galore should reduce their operating hours in order to decrease operating expenses. Although the argument may seem convincing at first, the lack of specific evidence leads me to conclude that the argument might be flawed on many grounds. The argument is based on several assumptions, analyzing what specific evidence is needed to substantiate them is essential to evaluate the argument.
To begin with, he should provide clear-cut evidence of whether the case of the Marston store can be applied to all other stores. He assumes that it can be, and thus argues that all other stores should reduce operating hours and no longer stock any DVD released more than five years following the Marston. However, the unsubstantiated assumptions could ruin the argument. It is possible that the inherent conditions of other stores are totally different from those of the Marston store. For instance, Marston’s primary customers may be students who can come to the store before the 6 pm, whereas primary customers of other stores might be workers who cannot come before 6 pm as they have to work until 7 pm. If it is true, the case of Marston cannot be applied to other stores and reducing operating hours only ends up losing many customers. After all, the argument would be weakened.
Another explicit evidence the writer should give is of whether most customers have no dissatisfaction on Marston’s new rules. He presumes that most of the customer has no dissatisfaction on them as he received very few complaints, and therefore argues that other stores should follow the Marston’s rules. However, the unsubstantiated presumption can spoil the argument. The customers of the Marston might be absolutely dissatisfied with the new rules. However, they may not make any complaints as it would bother them, and just stop going to the Marston. In such a case, the new rules of Marston cannot be a good role model and other stores must not follow them. Consequently, the argument will lose validity.
Lastly, the writer should present solid evidence of whether adopting the Marston’s policies at all other stores is the best way to improve profits. He speculates that it is, and asserts that all other stores should adopt the Marston’s policies as soon as possible. However, the unsubstantiated speculation could weaken the argument. It is plausible that adopting the Marston’s policies may not be the best way to improve profits and rather will decrease the profits. For example, as mentioned above, if primary customers of other stores may be mostly worker who cannot come to the store before 6 pm or most customers might be dissatisfied with the Marston’s policies, following the Marston’s policies will only end up losing a lot of customers, and thus it will decrease the profits of other stores.
In a nutshell, the argument might be unsound on many grounds due to the lack of concrete evidence. To bolster the argument, the writer should provide specific evidence mentioned above. Only then, he could improve the validity and persuasive power of the argument bu doğru görünüyor mu?
A: In this memorandum, the writer argues that Movies Galore should reduce their operating hours in order to decrease operating expenses. Although the argument may seem convincing at first, the lack of specific evidence lead me to believe that the argument might be flawed on many grounds. This argument is based on several assumptions, so analyzing what specific evidence is needed to substantiate this argument is essential in order to evaluate it.
To begin with, the writer should’ve provided clear-cut evidence on whether the case of Marston store can be applied to all the other stores. He assumes that it can be, and thus argues that all the other stores should also reduce operating hours and no longer stock any DVD released for more than five years following the Marston however the unsubstantiated assumptions could ruin this argument. It is possible that the inherent conditions of other stores are absolutely different from those of the Marston store. For instance, Marston’s primary customers may be students who can come to the store before 6 pm, whereas the primary customers of other stores might be workers who cannot come before 6 pm as they have to work until 7 pm. If this is true, the case of Marston cannot be applied to other stores and reducing operating hours will only end up to losing customers. Overall, the argument would be weakened.
Another explicit evidence the writer should give is whether or not most customers have satisfaction on Marston’s new rules. He presumed that most of the customers experienced satisfaction with these new rules as he received very few complaints, and therefore argued that other stores should follow the Marston’s rules however the unsubstantiated presumption can spoil the argument. The customers of the Marston might be absolutely dissatisfied with the new rules however they may not make any complaints as it would bother them and just stop going to the Marston. In such a case the new rules of Marston cannot be a good role model and other stores must not follow them. Consequently, the argument will lose validity.
Lastly, the writer should present solid evidence on whether or not enforcing the Marston’s policies at all the other stores is the best choice. Because he speculates that it is the best way to improve profits, he asserts that all other stores should adopt the Marston’s policies as soon as possible however the unsubstantiated speculation could weaken the argument. It goes without a word that adopting the Marston’s policies may not be the best way to improve profits but rather decrease profits. For example, as mentioned above, if primary customers of other stores are mainly consumed by workers who cannot come to the store before 6 pm, and most customers being dissatisfied with the Marston’s policies, following the Marston’s policies will only end up losing customers, and thus it will decrease the profits of other stores.
In a nutshell, the argument might be unsound on many grounds due to the lack of concrete evidence. To bolster the argument, the writer should provide contradict specific evidence mentioned above. Only then could he improve the validity and persuasive power of the argument

(I think so this is correct so sorry if I made mistake I tried hard! This essays was fun to read!)

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